PRE-PRODUCTION; MAJOR SCRIPT CHANGES AND DRAFT 4

After sending out our draft 3 script to Simon, we had a meeting about the story and where it was going. The following is a list of feedback from Simon based on draft 3:

Small Problems 

-have a look at some scripts
⁃not formatting it correctly (scene headings)
⁃new room = new scene
⁃too much detail that’s not important e.g. we need to see that Marlo is in his last year of school somehow
⁃is the outfit description important?
⁃quite long and list like
⁃Marlo, a 17 year old school boy lounges in his den. his teenage life surrounds him. somehow he manages to pick out a university prospectus from the mess and it sparks his memory
⁃his room is a mess but the house is tidy
⁃mom does well in her job and everything is in place/tidy except his life
⁃look at how characters talk to each other/round things
⁃contemporary story needs contemporary features
⁃pocket watch present, make it something that works in present day format e.g. heirloom
⁃empty school, put either a caretaker and kids in to make it believable
⁃populate with people to make the school active so the audience doesn’t question the scenario
⁃scene 3 is a way of showing emotion <- MORE OF THIS
⁃scene 5 is 2 scenes not one

BIGGER PROBLEMS

⁃scene 6 ‘everyone’s asking me what i’m going to do’ placed incorrectly to bide with story
⁃think about Marlo as a character, what he was like before
⁃essentially, our story is: Boy walks to school, talks to a girl. Boy walks back from school, talks to a girl x2 and then boy walks home, talks to a doctor and then is okay.
⁃good scenario but we need to see the effect on him and think about how we can dramatise stuff, what he learns etc
⁃if he did well at school, show that he’s not doing as well now
⁃lashing out, getting into trouble etc
⁃look at character of nova “perfect person” but is she a negative force on him now?
⁃is she the one that doesn’t want to let go? “i won’t be able to see you anymore”
⁃going to uni was an important thing
⁃commit to scenes and characters in your story
⁃how does the acceptance manifest himself, how can we show this
⁃need to see the stages of the effect
⁃use mr shipman as an important character? submits his application at the last second
⁃play out drama through doing stuff
⁃less dialogue and more pictures
⁃ritual to show time passing

After this, myself, Laura and Katie went to brainstorm ideas. I had the idea that I wanted to change it from an open day at a university being what Marlo was trying to avoid. I thought it would be better if an interview letter came through the post in the morning, firstly because it creates more jeopardy and more of a timeline to the story and secondly because it feels a lot more visual, both when writing and filming for the director. The second idea was to elevate Julia's role, she is the mother of Marlo and to involve her in the script more is something positive. After speaking with mental health charity, it is often that a family member tries to help a loved one who may be suffering and this helps us to push that message through within the script. We decided to get rid of the flashbacks and dream sequences completely because we can suggest the ideas that they were suggesting in other ways. For example I brought in the idea of the engraved pocket watch from his father who died when he was young, as an idea of symbolism that would be a recurring idea throughout. 

Also, I came up with the idea of bringing in an 'Unknown Figure' to the script to talk to Marlo when he visits Nova's place of death. When I watch film and TV, i really enjoy narratives that are left slightly unanswered and allow for the audience to create their own meaning in their head. After speaking with Laura, this 'unknown figure' will be shot in a particular way which will not show their face, I want it to be an enigma to the audience so that they can decide for themselves if this figure is a real person in the street speaking to Marlo, or a figment of Marlo's imagination. The final major change of the script, is the reversal of Nova's character. I have turned her into more of a negative/unknown character, she dies after arguing with Marlo, telling him she doesn't want him to move away for university. This creates more of a catch 22 situation because though the audience will be sad because Marlo is grieving, they will also slightly dislike her character because of the way she treats Marlo. 

As per previous post, I researched other scripts to make sure that my format was correct. I found that my scene headings were wrong as well as the day/night aspect. It also helped me to read other scripts because I got to see how these scripts are written and I gained inspiration, mainly in terms of how to describe locations and characters. I am really happy with draft 4 of the script, I think I have done well to completely turn the entire 16 page script around, by changing main aspects of the narrative with my group and also rewriting it in its entirety myself. Now I hope it is at the stage where just certain aspects need refining, rather than anymore dramatic rewrites or story changes because my group and I are really happy with what we have now. I am still considering adding in one final scene involving Nova and Marlo, to give the audience a sense of closure on the two characters relationship, but I will see what feedback comes my way first.