After Draft Three, Laura had a few more suggestions after storyboarding. These changes are more visual than dialogue based because as her and Katie were storyboarding they realised that there was a lot of scenes that could be changed to fit the camera better. The following are the changes that she has asked me to change on the script;
Detail Change: Marlo leaves his bedroom after seeing the prospectus √
Detail Change: Marlo grabs the pocket watch from the side, instead of his coat when leaving the house √
Change the last part of Scene 2 to say how they smile when they see each other and then “embrace as they greet each other” to make it more logistical than embracing and then looking into each other's eyes. √
“He starts tapping his finger against the side of his leg” to "opening and closing the pocket watch" whilst they are walking instead
Change “We see MARLO in the bathroom coming out of a cubicle, he looks side to side checking if anyone is in there with him.” to "We see MARLO burst into the bathroom and stands in front of the mirror shaking. He puts his hands on the basin and looks up into the mirror" √
I think I am now really happy with the script, after doing my research on the formatting of script I know that it is almost there in terms of the format. As I've said previously I am now really happy with the ending and the overall narrative structure. I think I have followed Simon's advice correctly by using the characters and their actions to create mood and tone but also move the story along without so much dialogue.
I think I am now really happy with the script, after doing my research on the formatting of script I know that it is almost there in terms of the format. As I've said previously I am now really happy with the ending and the overall narrative structure. I think I have followed Simon's advice correctly by using the characters and their actions to create mood and tone but also move the story along without so much dialogue.
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